I'm sure she won't thank me for telling you this, but my Mum turns 60 this year.
(For the record, i don't call my mum Bogtrotter, all will become clear.)
It was a milestone that we, as a family, couldn't ignore. So we plotted, we schemed and we strategised till we finally found a date that, miraculously, we were all free on, and after much deliberation we descended upon Center Parks in Nottingham.
I had a theory that when the entire family got together, partners and all, for the first time ever, that something miraculously momentous would happen. We might have developed magical powers. We might have imploded. But all that happened was... it rained. This was not going to get in our way, 24 years of caravanning in the Lake District had prepared me for this very holiday. We battled through Adventure golf in the rain, cycled in wellies and drank as much tea as possible. And wine, plenty of wine.
My sister, being the eldest, is also the organised one. Along with booking the holiday and potty training a toddler, she arranged a surprise party for Mum on the Saturday night. My brother would get the decorations, i would make the cake, she would take mum to the spa whilst we decorated the Cabin.
In retrospect, she is possibly equal parts clever and organised. Hats off to her.
Dilemma.
What cake to make?
There's first world problems, and then theres spending an hour in Portsmouth Library deliberating over recipe books.
After an hours deliberation i had narrowed it down to something in one of these books:
(For the record, i don't call my mum Bogtrotter, all will become clear.)
It was a milestone that we, as a family, couldn't ignore. So we plotted, we schemed and we strategised till we finally found a date that, miraculously, we were all free on, and after much deliberation we descended upon Center Parks in Nottingham.
I had a theory that when the entire family got together, partners and all, for the first time ever, that something miraculously momentous would happen. We might have developed magical powers. We might have imploded. But all that happened was... it rained. This was not going to get in our way, 24 years of caravanning in the Lake District had prepared me for this very holiday. We battled through Adventure golf in the rain, cycled in wellies and drank as much tea as possible. And wine, plenty of wine.
My sister, being the eldest, is also the organised one. Along with booking the holiday and potty training a toddler, she arranged a surprise party for Mum on the Saturday night. My brother would get the decorations, i would make the cake, she would take mum to the spa whilst we decorated the Cabin.
In retrospect, she is possibly equal parts clever and organised. Hats off to her.
Dilemma.
What cake to make?
There's first world problems, and then theres spending an hour in Portsmouth Library deliberating over recipe books.
After an hours deliberation i had narrowed it down to something in one of these books:
After much deliberation, and my nephew repeatedly suggesting i made "cake" (helpful), I kept coming back to the Sweet and Salty Chocolate Cake in The Hummingbird Bakery - Cake Days, Which also comes as an app (technocake).
It was fancy, it was rich, it was decadent, it was covered in chocolate.
It was basically everything i wanted to be when i grow up, but in cake form.
It was fancy, it was rich, it was decadent, it was covered in chocolate.
It was basically everything i wanted to be when i grow up, but in cake form.
Step 1: Make the caramel. Can't be too tricky right? Wrong. very tricky. The recipe tells you to add the hot cream to the hot sugar and it will "bubble up". To me, that inferred that i might have a few bubbles appear for a few seconds, a light simmer if you will, a fizz, a splutter. No, you get a caramel jacuzzi running on overtime and nearly have a hob covered in caramel. Not ideal. If you attempt it, be warned.
Another warning if you attempt said cake: maybe only eat salad for the next week, nay month, or so. Whilst it tastes amazing (modesty - tick!) this is probably because you're eating just under 2 blocks of butter with 2 bars of chocolate and half a bag of sugar. Oh, and syrup.
Dan suggested adding some beetroot for "nutritional value". My response would probably be flagged as inappropriate content, so i'll leave it to your imagination, get creative.
Don't worry, i didn't sully the cake with vegetables. That's what salads are for. Amateurs.
The cake's good, but it's definitely not good for you, unless you have lots of friends to share it with, then it's ok, Scouts honour. (I was never a scout).
Another warning if you attempt said cake: maybe only eat salad for the next week, nay month, or so. Whilst it tastes amazing (modesty - tick!) this is probably because you're eating just under 2 blocks of butter with 2 bars of chocolate and half a bag of sugar. Oh, and syrup.
Dan suggested adding some beetroot for "nutritional value". My response would probably be flagged as inappropriate content, so i'll leave it to your imagination, get creative.
Don't worry, i didn't sully the cake with vegetables. That's what salads are for. Amateurs.
The cake's good, but it's definitely not good for you, unless you have lots of friends to share it with, then it's ok, Scouts honour. (I was never a scout).
The cake was made, and had arrived at Center Parks in one piece! HUZZAH.
Saturday had arrived, Rita had been surprised, The Captain was barbecuing and the cake was hidden in one of the cupboards.
"What could possibly go wrong?!" I hear you cry.
Well, my experiences this weekend have taught me that mothers are like toddlers, whatever you ask them to do, they will hear and do the opposite. In her defence, i can understand how "sit down and enjoy your wine" was mistaken as "rummage in the cupboards for pans and come across the hidden cake" (defence rests, with a gin).
After a few minutes on the naughty step (Thank You Jo) Rita had appeared to have learnt her lesson, and was willing to pretend that it had never happened and she'd never seen the chocolatey mass in the cupboard, until it made it's post BBQ appearance.
Saturday had arrived, Rita had been surprised, The Captain was barbecuing and the cake was hidden in one of the cupboards.
"What could possibly go wrong?!" I hear you cry.
Well, my experiences this weekend have taught me that mothers are like toddlers, whatever you ask them to do, they will hear and do the opposite. In her defence, i can understand how "sit down and enjoy your wine" was mistaken as "rummage in the cupboards for pans and come across the hidden cake" (defence rests, with a gin).
After a few minutes on the naughty step (Thank You Jo) Rita had appeared to have learnt her lesson, and was willing to pretend that it had never happened and she'd never seen the chocolatey mass in the cupboard, until it made it's post BBQ appearance.
Then came for the ultimate taste test. Forget Mary Berry, forget Gregg Wallace, forget Paul Hollywood, forget your troubles come on get happy. No, if you want an honest opinion on food, give it to a toddler. There is no grey area. There is only "don't like it" or an empty plate and messy face. So it was with some trepidation that i watched my nephew eye up the slab of chocolate placed before him, then this happened..
And how would you rate that on a scale of 1-5?
Success.